Sunday, March 30, 2014

Daddy tried to kill me today!!

It's true!

Okay, That's not true at all. I just wanted to get your attention so you would read the rest of my story and feel bad for me.

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Anyway, Mommy asked Daddy to look at the vacuum cleaner because is wasn't working too good.

When Daddy tipped back the vacuum cleaner I got really, really scared because we all know the vacuum cleaner is the one who really wants to kill me.
So when I tried to run really, really fast on these old pine floorboards, I broke my back toenail and it was bleeding all over the place!!
It was like a crime scene!
It was like a gory, horror movie!!
It was like...
Okay. That's not true.
It bled a little.

But my boo boo toe hurt really, really bad.

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Now don't you feel bad for me??

Good. Now I'll be way back here waiting for your nice comments...

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and a new toy. A new toy would be nice too.
I like orange, squeaky ones.

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Wednesday, March 26, 2014

The mystery is solved!!

Mommy figured out why cotton batting came outta my butt!!

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She's such a good detective.

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I think I'll get her a plaid Deerstalker and matching coat cape for Christmas.
Maybe a new quilt too.
Nah!

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Tuesday, March 25, 2014

All this snowy, cold weather has me and Gracie down in the dumps.

Since we can't go outside to play, we lay around and pout by the wood stove.

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So to makes us feel better, Mommy had to bring out the "big gun!"
Guess what it is????!!!

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It's the fantastic, super stupendous, all time favorite, only comes out for special occasions, nubby, purple high heel pump squeaky toy!!!!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

And who's brave enough to go for it???!!!

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Victory...

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is...

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MINE!!!!!!!!

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Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Because of my awesomeness...

Mommy went to the (other) pet store to buy me new toys and treats!! YaY me!!

The new treats are called "Happy Hips."
Sounds like the title of a movie on that Spice Channel.
*wink**wink*

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Anyway, it's real Salmon Jerky made by the same humans who make my yummy dog food.
I love them!!

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I also got new Nylabones that I won't share with Gracie.

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When she can do awesome impersonations like me, I might reconsider.

I'm like the next Rich Little!!
Only I'm a girl...
And a dog...
And not born in Canada.

But you know what I mean.

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Monday, March 17, 2014

Guess what??!!!!!

I've got a new impersonation!!
You wanna see it??!!
Huh??!! Do ya??!! Huh, do ya??!!
Huh??!!!
Do ya wanna see it??!!!

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Okay.
READY?????




♫ All the cops in the donut shops say: ♪
♩ Way-oh-way-oh-way-ooo-aaa-ooo... ♭
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♪ Walk like an Egyptian... ♩
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♪ Walk like an Egyptian. ♩
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Thank you! Thank you! I'll be here all week.
Don't forget to try the Prime Rib.

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Sunday, March 16, 2014

The first day of spring is only four days away.

But it's 18 degrees out there.
We got another foot and a half of snow.
Mommy won't let me go outside to play with my orange frisbee.
Daddy needs to cut more firewood to keep me warm.
Gracie's creepy and no fun.

I'm so depressed.

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I could use a half gallon of Häagen-Daz right about now.

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Saturday, March 8, 2014

GASP!! Is that what I think it is???!!!

**Insert dramatic music**

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Dum Dum Dummmmmmmm!
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OMG! It's the vacuum cleaner attachment and...
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it's looking right at me!!!!
It wants to kill me, I'm sure of it!!!
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Are you just going to sit there and watch??!!
Do something!!
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Forget it, I'll do it myself!
Maybe if I crouch down...
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Nope. That didn't work!
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How about at this angle...
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Steady... Steady...
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CHOMP!!
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HOLY CRAP!!!
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I don't want to do this anymore!
I need to go find my ears!
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Friday, March 7, 2014

It's March 7th. Still snowy and unbelievably cold.

Too cold for me to play outside.
I am a prisoner in my own home.

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If I lived closer, I'd go poop on Al Gore's lawn.

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Maybe I'll ship it UPS.

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Sunday, March 2, 2014

OMG! I'm on the other side of the French doors!

I can't get to Mommy!

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HELP! I'm stranded!

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I'm alone!

What will I eat?!

How will I survive?!

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Okay! Stay calm!! Don't panic!!!

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I need to find a volley ball and name him Wilson!

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I'll also have to let my beard grow in!
Wait a minute... I already have one.

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QUICK!! Somebody get me a FedEx box!!
I need a FedEx box!!

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