Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Daddy makes the most awesome healthy fruit smoothies...

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He usually lets me "clean" his cup when he's done but sometimes he forgets even though I'm sitting there staring at him...
and waiting...

He might hurry it up if I stare at the cup...

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Nothing. Okay. Time for a new tactic.
Maybe if I put my paw on him and give him "the puppy eyes".
That always works on Mommy. She's a sucker for that one!

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Still nothing!
What is with this guy??!!
How long does it take to drink a fruit smoothie?!
I mean seriously!!

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C'mon man, I'm dying here!!

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Well it's about time!

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Is that... almond butter??!!

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Why yes it is! Yum!

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Now if I just stick my head a little farther in...

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I can get THAT!

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Thank you, Daddy.

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But next time light a fire under it!

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Thursday, August 11, 2016

A box arrived from Lowes...

But it was addressed to Mommy.
What the??!!

Surely it was supposed to be addressed to me!!!
There's only ONE in this household who hold the "awesome" title and it sure as heck isn't Mommy.

Maybe if the box said "Thanks for being lame" then it would be for her. But frankly, that's pushing it.

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Thursday, July 28, 2016

Move over, Trump and Clinton!

There's a new candidate in town!!!

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I'm running under the "Canine Party."

Vote for me because I'm cuter than the both of them! I've got better hair fur than him and better legs than her!! Besides, everyone knows I'm the most awesome!!!!!!

Remember, I'm also the first American dog breed so technically I have to win.

Gracie is my VP pick!!

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Hey, if I'm stuck with her then so are you!

Anyway, If you don't see me on the ballot, write me in!

If I win, free little rubber balls for everyone!!!

Okay, that really can't happen. Nothing is ever free.
Oh! I've got it!! I'll make Mommy pay for them!!!
She already does anyway!!!


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Sunday, July 17, 2016

I have no privacy!!

Crazy Paparazzi Mommy takes photos of me all the time! Her camera is always in my face! Even when I'm trying to sleep!

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I can't take it anymore!

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Now I know how Halle Berry feels.

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Thursday, June 30, 2016

Hey, I'm famous yet again!!

Click on my photo then look around and see if you can spot my awesome self!!!

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What a silly comment.
I mean really... how could you not.

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Saturday, June 25, 2016

It's Saturday night and I just got a bath...

I despise bathtime.

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It's a huge production for Mommy to give me a bath. I make sure of it!

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She has to put on an old t-shirt and shorts. Place towels all over the bathroom floor.
Then she has to stand in the bathtub with me, placing me between her feet. This way when I start getting all psycho and try to make a break for it, she can use the old "headscissors" wrestling move on me.

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The problem is she's not as young as she used to be.

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I'll bet she wishes she used her ThighMaster more back in the '90's.

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Friday, June 24, 2016

These little rubber balls are all mine...

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But I don't like to play with them anymore because after I chew a big hole to remove the squeaky, they don't bounce right or squeak and that's no fun.
I refuse to play with any ball that doesn't have a squeaky. It must have a squeaky. Then I remove the squeaky in under two minutes and refuse it play with it again.
So Mommy foolishly spends a small fortune on little red, blue, green and yellow rubber balls that I immediately destroy.

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Which is why I have a crock full of holey, non squeaky balls that I won't play with... and why Mommy needs therapy.

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Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Sure, Miss Jessica Simpson looks cute in that...

famous poster in her American flag bikini.

But can she rock a patriotic harness like this??!!!

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Uhhh... I don't think so!

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And I highly doubt she got a brand new little pink rubber ball after her photo shoot like I did!

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Friday, June 10, 2016

I have another obsession...

and it has nothing to do with Calvin Klein.

Or my little blue rubber ball.

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You wanna see it?

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There it is...

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It's my Mommy's walking stick!

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I'm pretty sure it has a life of its own! It moves and comes towards me and taunts me!

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But I'm too fast for it because I
almost float like a butterfly and possibly sting like a bee!
C'mon, you know there's only one Ali.

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Anyway, maybe I'm better off training with UFC's
or is it KFC'S? Paige VanZant.
Or going on Dancing with the Stars with Mark Ballas.

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Thursday, June 2, 2016

Being awesome is exhausting...

But somebody's gotta do it!!!

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Who am I trying to kid? We all know I'm the only one who can do it because I'm the "awesomest!"

Still not sure?? Well, let me ask you one question...
Does your Mommy wear a cap with you on it??!!

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I didn't think so.

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